LADIES AND GENTLEPENGUINS! Welcome to the most action-packed extravaganza you will ever witness in your entire waddling lives! Tonight, your mind will undergo a roller coaster of events never experienced before. Your eyes will melt, your voice will vanish, your flightless wings will climb air! You will experience everything you thought was impossible!
Ladies and gentlepenguins, welcome to....
CPPWE! CPPWE! CPPWE!
Now we go to our fine ring announcer with a very astonishing mustache for our first match of the evening!
Announcer Stevens: This match is a gauntlet match! Introducing first, from the Forest cave... The Werewolf!
Werewolf: RAWR! I'm a real werewolf!
My God, what a shocking occurrence! A WEREWOLF! Who is the poor sucker who has to face this beast in a GAUNTLET MATCH?!
Commentator Nicholas: This will surely be a hob knocker, Lance Catawear!
Commentator Catawear: Slobber knocker, Nicholas. The term is slobber knocker.
Nicholas: Ah, yes. My mistake.
Announcer Stevens: And his opponent, from my local dentist office... Ian Pullem!
It sure will, Mr. Nicholas.
The Werewolf's first opponent is a man named Ian Pullem! I wonder what this competitor will have to offer...
Ian Pullem: MWA HA HA HA HA! Free dental appointments after this event.
Commentator Nicholas: This will be an exciting, lengthy match, Lance. CLAW SLAM! It's over!
Werewolf: RAWR! I'M UNSTOPPABLE!
Announcer Stevens: And his next opponent, from Fall Fair... Boink the Clown!
Apparently not much. The Werewolf finished him like dinner and remains in the match!
It appears Mr. Pullem will be fixing his own teeth tonight!
Boink the Clown: YOU'RE SCREWED!
Commentator Nicholas: He must be right, Lance! This is going to be a great match. CLAW SLAM! It's over, Lance!
Commentator Catawear: He's going through 'em like I went through that bird I ate earlier!
Commentator Nicholas: You are cor... wait, what!?
Commentator Catawear: ...I didn't say anything....
Commentator Nicholas: Tell me you did not.... you disgust me.
Announcer Stevens: And his third opponent, from the University... That Janitor Guy!
I guess the Werewolf is not too fond of clowns, as he finishes his second opponent off like desert!
Our friends at the commentary table seem to be at disagreement. Hopefully they can co-exist to call The Werewolf's next match, which is against That Janitor Guy!
That Janitor Guy: *sighs* Just end my miserable life already.
Commentator Nicholas: CLAW SLAM! He is unstoppable, my sick colleague.
Commentator Catawear: No comment.
Announcer Stevens: And his fourth opponent, from The Grave... The Mortician!
I guess not all jobs are beneficial. What a tragedy.
Anyway, it seems the Werewolf has finally met his match as he squares off with... The Mortician!
The Mortician: REST IN PEACE!
Commentator Nicholas: Look at this mad man! The Werewolf has met his match!
The Mortician: Wait, this isn't the Stage... *leaves*
I knew that was going to happen tonight....
Commentator Nicholas: What an unexpected occurrence! Who's next, Stevens?!
Announcer Stevens: And his final opponent, accompanied to the ring by Butchkid, from The Garden... The Plant!
Commentator Catawear: Wow, he looks... threatening.
Commentator Nicholas: Did I give you permission to speak?
Wow! The Werewolf's final opponent is a... plant. I'm sure this match will be no different than the others!
The Werewolf: Ha! This is too easy. *grabs*
Referee Charles: Ring the bell!
Announcer Stevens: Ladies and gentlepengs, The Werewolf has been disqualified for grabbing a foreign object! Therefore, the winner is... THE PLANT!
The Werewolf: What!?
What a twist of events! The Werewolf has been disqualified for grabbing a weapon!
The Plant has done it! The Plant has beaten The Werewolf!
What an inspirational success story! I'm sure The Plant will be remembered for years to come!
What an eventful night! Surely, history has been made and lives have been changed!
Thank you, ladies and gentlepenguins, for dedicating some time from your lives to join in on tonight's intoxicating event!
Until the next tale,
You are now exploring Secret File #959: G@M3$. Enjoy.
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