LADIES AND GENTLEPENGUINS! Welcome to the most action-packed extravaganza you will ever witness in your entire waddling lives! Tonight, your mind will undergo a roller coaster of events never experienced before. Your eyes will melt, your voice will vanish, your flightless wings will climb air! You will experience everything you thought was impossible! Ladies and gentlepenguins, welcome to.... CPPWE! CPPWE! CPPWE! Now we go to our fine ring announcer with a very astonishing mustache for our first match of the evening!
The Werewolf!
My God, what a shocking occurrence! A WEREWOLF! Who is the poor sucker who has to face this beast in a GAUNTLET MATCH?!
It sure will, Mr. Nicholas. The Werewolf's first opponent is a man named Ian Pullem! I wonder what this competitor will have to offer...
CLAW SLAM! It's over!
Apparently not much. The Werewolf finished him like dinner and remains in the match! It appears Mr. Pullem will be fixing his own teeth tonight!
CLAW SLAM! It's over, Lance!
I guess the Werewolf is not too fond of clowns, as he finishes his second opponent off like desert! Our friends at the commentary table seem to be at disagreement. Hopefully they can co-exist to call The Werewolf's next match, which is against That Janitor Guy!
The Mortician! I guess not all jobs are beneficial. What a tragedy. Anyway, it seems the Werewolf has finally met his match as he squares off with... The Mortician!
I knew that was going to happen tonight....
The Plant!
Wow! The Werewolf's final opponent is a... plant. I'm sure this match will be no different than the others!
THE PLANT!
What a twist of events! The Werewolf has been disqualified for grabbing a weapon! The Plant has done it! The Plant has beaten The Werewolf! What an inspirational success story! I'm sure The Plant will be remembered for years to come! What an eventful night! Surely, history has been made and lives have been changed! Thank you, ladies and gentlepenguins, for dedicating some time from your lives to join in on tonight's intoxicating event! Until the next tale,
Waddle on!
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