SUMMINSBERG -- As Columbus Day approaches, we here at Box of Rocks strive to give our readers something that'll captivate and feed our greed so much that our egos erupt in satisfaction. So when a viewer contacts us to bless our authentic souls with permission to invade their personal business, it's like Christmas emerges over our heads. Our own Cole Doovex is on the field to report of Mr. Licker Cuntpiss's, a local fanatic of our pleasant discoverer Christopher Columbus, prized collection of Columbus memorabilia. "This right here is Columbus's sword. He used this to ruthlessly chop the heads off of all the indigenous creepers that were obstacles in his path to victory!" uttered the faithful enthusiast as he details the historic piece Mr. Columbus sported on his famous voyage. Portraits array of the very successful discoverer as we stroll throughout the committed space. Along with the portraits, displays of replicated Columbus attire fancies the room. We make our way to the very end of the room where an exhibit of an aged hat entices visitors of the renowned gallery. "This right here is Columbus's hat. He used this to keep the sun out of his eyes while pounding the jeebesus out of all the pests that came his way!" he claimed. As we walk away from the display, Mr. Cuntpiss vanishes into a small nearby room. Minutes fly by until he finally emerges fiercely fancied in Columbus apparel. "LAND AHEAD!" he ejaculated. He points his sword to the sky cheerfully, just like Columbus did in the 1400s when he totally discovered America. Just as he was about to reenact apparent battle, my watch alerted that I was tardy to interfere in another person's business, so we declared salutations as I promise to return tomorrow for the tour's finale. Stay tuned.
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