SUMMINSBERG - In an historic announcement, the mayor of Summinsberg has announced a huge change to the holiday we celebrate every second Monday of October.
"As I stand here on this evening, I can honestly say that I'm a waken man." the mayor began. "A couple days ago, a hero emerged from the shadows to expose the truth about our wicked not-discoverer, Christopher Columbus." The crowd cheers as the mayor throws back to our own Cole Doovex's interview and tour with Mr. Licker Cuntpiss, a local Columbus critic. "For that, for exposing Columbus for the monster that he truly is to the entire world, I hereby declare Columbus Day to be replaced by Cuntpiss Day, to celebrate the great discoverer of the truth!" the mayor announces to hurrahs from the audience. In the colorful crowd stands a man in a black attire with a hood covering his face. Upon further inspection, the mayor calls the man to the podium. It's our discoverer himself, Mr. Licker Cuntpiss! "Sir, please, make a statement." the mayor tells the noticeably nervous icon. "No, goddammit no!" the heroic icon exclaims to applause. "What a soft-spoken warrior!" one citizen says. "This... I.... I don't want any part of Columbus!" Mr. Cuntpiss states to even more applause. "Quit clapping! I don't want to be involved with Columbus!" The mayor then takes over once more to sign us off. "Denouncing Columbus again, what a legend! Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Cuntpiss, the discoverer of the truth about Christopher Columbus!" he says to roars from the crowd. From everyone here at Box of Rocks, we'd like to wish you a Happy Cuntpiss Day!
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